Mastering yourself is fundamental to leadership and any other form of peak performance. Make sure your own house is in order before worrying about the order of everyone else's. Here are some thoughts on mastering yourself first.
Stay on your toes.
"On your toes" is a figure of speech that describes being alert and ready to go. "On your heels" has the opposite meaning: off balance, unprepared, and easily toppled. Being on your toes is, of course, where you want to be. You have the greatest chance of performing at the top of your game when you’re on your toes.
The on-your-toes metaphor applies beautifully to leadership effectiveness. As a leader, you have to manage both the expected and unexpected things that happen at work. When you are on your toes — grounded, confident, and clear-headed — you are best able to use your strengths to deal with the unexpected. When you are on you heels — off balance, unsure, and confused — you are more apt to fall back on bad habits that hurt your ability to lead.
I'm willing to bet there are times when you've been "on your toes", and there have been times you've been "on your heels". What do these look and feel like for you? What are the things you can do to recognize when you're on your heels, and what are the things you can do to get back on your toes?
The key to staying on your toes is to know what things you have control over and focus your attention and energy there. When mastered, the following capabilities will prepare you to be at your best regardless of what happens around you.
Work within your circle of influence.
As simple as it sounds, many leaders waste time and energy getting worked up over people, issues, and events they have no control over. Effective leaders, on the other hand, size up what they can control — what’s inside their circle of influence — and begin making decisions there. At the very center of that circle is how they feel, what they think, and what they say and do. If they get a handle on these first, they are better able to make choices about how to influence the things that are outside their circle of influence — how others feel, what others think, and what others say and do.
Accept, change, or leave it.
For those things leaders can’t control, they have three choices within their circle of influence that are empowering. They can choose to accept the situation as it is, they can choose to change what they can change about it, or they can choose to leave it. The fourth option, to do nothing, leaves them stuck and feeling powerless.
Acceptance is the most difficult choice for leaders since leadership at its very core is about facilitating change. To achieve real acceptance (so you are neutralizing and not simply stuffing your feelings), learn how to re-frame how you think about the person, the issue, or the situation so it all makes sense. Remember this about acceptance: (1) few of us are as good at it as we think we are; (2) while acceptance is a choice, it is a continuing process that can have setbacks, and (3) acceptance requires that you replace judgment of others with positive internal self-talk.
I’ve worked with hundreds of leaders over the years, and here are some of my favorite self-talk phrases leaders have said they use to help re-frame an issue so it all makes sense.
"That’s the way the world is."
"He’s doing the best he can with the skills he has."
"I’m not the target."
"It is what it is."
Understanding all of the applications of those self-talk phrases is something we'll have to get into in a future posting!
Consider the challenges today that have you back on your heels. How well are you focusing on controlling the things within your circle of influence? How are you thinking, feeling, and acting? What are you accepting, changing, or leaving?
