On July 5, I wrote about assertiveness. I sourced research that made the point that assertiveness is an important, yet often-overlooked leadership quality. It’s a much bigger deal than most of us think. Simply put, if you err on either extreme on the assertiveness continuum by being too aggressive or too passive, you will lose leadership stature in the eyes of others regardless of the strength of your other leadership qualities.
Let’s take a closer look at what aggressive, passive, and assertive behavior are all about.
Aggressiveness is about getting results — about being results oriented. There is nothing wrong with being results oriented, except when you are being that way at the expense of others. One reason why people act aggressively is that they are afraid they will lose out on something if they don’t. Aggressive behavior often gets results, but at a hefty social cost.
Passiveness is all about preserving relationships. One reason why people act passively and choose to not go after what they want is because they don't want to step on toes. There's nothing wrong with being relationship-oriented, except when you are being that way at the expense of getting results. Passive behavior won’t create waves, but it won’t help you get what you want in life either.
Aggressive and passive behaviors have two things in common: 1) they are often fear driven, and 2) they are both issues of a lack of respect (for others or for yourself).
Where do you fall on the continuum between being aggressive on one extreme and passive on the other? Most of us can self-diagnose pretty easily. If you flip-flop between the two, then you are what is commonly referred to as passive/aggressive. Regardless of what side of the continuum you tend to fall, the strategy for becoming more assertive is the same: respectfully speak up for yourself.
I’ve heard it said there is genius in boldness and wisdom in compassion. Assertiveness — a critical quality of leadership — is both bold and compassionate. Let go of the fear, find your voice, and respectfully speak up. You may not always get what you want, but you will be seen as someone who has courage and compassion, and that's critical to your status as a leader.
